Help CenterSelf-Critic
Self-judgment is the act or fact of judging oneself. Self-criticism is criticism of oneself or one’s actions. Self-judgment and self-criticism can be helpful to the extent that we use objective self-reflection to identify successes and opportunities to know what to continue doing and what we may want to tweak next time.
They are learning and development tools in that way. They become unhelpful when we allow them to continue when their job is done. That overuse can begin tearing us down harshly which can damage our self-esteem and confidence or stir up self-doubt that contributes to holding us back from growth opportunities. Our self-coach is using self-compassion to balance out that critic.
Self-Coach
According to Neff (2003), self-compassion is composed of three components,
- self-kindness – being kind and understanding toward oneself in instances of pain or failure rather than being harshly self-critical,
- common humanity – perceiving one’s experiences as part of the larger human experience rather than seeing them as separating and isolating, and
- mindfulness – holding painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness rather than over-identifying with them.
We can learn to balance our self-critic with a self-coach by exploring to identify the point which self-critic becomes unhelpful and insert our self-coach there.
- To what extent is it helpful?
- At what point does it begin to become unhelpful?
- Insert self-coach there
- Accept what is and commit to mindful, values-based goal pursuit
Example
Self-Critic
- "I shouldn't be so scared to present in front of the class"
- "What's wrong with me?"
- Contributes to feelings of shame, inadequacy, and avoidance behaviors
Self-Coach
- "Talking in front of groups is just not my thing. I don't enjoy it."
- "Plenty of people don't enjoy it."
- "I'll do it even if it's uncomfortable because it's a skill I want to develop. "
- "It'll get easier with practice."
Acceptance and Commitment
- Shift from avoidance to approach behaviors
- Accept the discomfort and commit to the goal
- Openness and willingness to have the experience to practice and improve, even if it's uncomfortable